Talking
with Children about Tragedy
National Association for the Education of Young
Children
Helping Children Cope with Disaster
As all of us struggle to deal with the tragic and terrible events
of September 11, it's important to recognize how young children
may be especially affected by these terrorist acts. Parents and
others who care for young children need to provide comfort, reassurance
and stability. When children witness violent events, directly
or on television, the result is often fear and confusion. Not
only can the sudden and unexpected nature of many disasters cause
high anxiety and even panic, but young children are also most
fearful when they do not understand what is happening around
them. Their feelings and reactions should be expected and considered
natural. Helping children deal with their reactions to this disaster
can be challenging when adults haven't had adequate time to deal
with their own reactions, but adults should remember that children
are very perceptive, and will quickly recognize the fear and
anxiety that adults are experiencing.
The following strategies can help parents and other
adults give children the emotional support they need, and show
them that you are there to take care of them.
Give reassurance and physical comfort.
Physically holding children brings comfort
and a sense of security. Children need extra hugs, smiles and hand-holding.
Reassure them that they are safe and that there is someone there
to take care of them. Hearing a family member or a teacher say,
"I will take care of you," makes children feel safe. Young
children have great faith in adults' powers and are responsive
to adult reassurances. Model and demonstrate coping skills, because
children will imitate adults in reacting to the situation.
Provide structure.
Children need to find consistency and security in their day,
especially when the rest of their life is unpredictable. Provide
a framework that will be the same from day to day. Emphasize
familiar routines at playtime, clean-up, naptime, meals and
bedtime. Make sure children are getting appropriate sleep,
exercise and nutrition. Play soothing music and model moving
slowly and using a quiet voice. Children may have a difficult
time accepting routines and other limits, but persevere by
being firm and supportive. Make decisions for children when
they cannot cope with choice.
Welcome children's talking about the disaster.
Children regain a sense of control by talking about things
that bother them, and talking with a supportive adult can help
them clarify their feelings. At the same time, children should
not be pressured to talk; they may need time to absorb these experiences
before discussing them. To help children feel comfortable,
parents and other adults can share their own feelings of fear
and anxiety, but they should always do so in a calm, reassuring
way. For example, you might say, "I was frightened when I saw
the explosions, but I knew there were people who were ready
to help out." What children need most is to feel that the situation
is under control.
Focus on experiences
that help children release tension.
- Give children more time for the relaxing, therapeutic experience
of playing with sand, water, clay and playdough.
- Provide plenty of time and opportunity for children to work
out their concerns and feelings through dramatic play. Create
props that children can use to pretend they are firefighters,
doctors, rescue workers or other helpers. In dramatic play,
children can pretend that they are big and strong to gain control
over their trauma and to overcome feelings of helplessness.
- Spend more time in settings that give children opportunities
for physical activity and that provide an emotional release.
Model peaceful resolution to conflict.
Peaceful resolution to conflict is one way to give children a
stronger sense of power and control, especially critical in
the wake of a disaster, which leaves them feeling powerless.
Because children who have experienced the emotional trauma
and violence of disaster often behave aggressively, they need
to see alternatives to using violence to solve problems.
Maintain perspective.
As we learn more about the individuals who are responsible for
these tragic events, adults must help children avoid making
inappropriate assumptions and using labels about groups of
people based on their race, ethnicity, religious background
or national origin.
Watch for changes in behavior.
Mental health professionals suggest that, children, like adults,
may exhibit symptoms of stress following a disaster. For preschoolers,
such symptoms may include thumbsucking, bedwetting, clinging,
changes in sleep or eating patterns, and isolation from other
children. Older children may be irritable or aggressive and
display poor concentration, among other changes in their behavior.
Experts also suggest that it is natural for children to display
behavioral changes as they emotionally process their anxiety
and fear.
NAEYC has several other resources on their Web site
that may be helpful for parents and others who work with young
children:
Discussing
the News with 3- to 7-Year-Olds: What to Do?
Helping
Children Cope with Violence
Additional helpful sites on the Web include:
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